I wrote this article and started sending it to publishers.
This article was eventually published in Above Rubies magazine. A free magazine that inspires mothers to be who they are meant to be!
Before I was married, there was always this longing to find a man to fulfill the need I had to take away my loneliness. I didn’t have a good relationship with my family so that need for a man to love me was even greater than most.
After meeting and marrying my soul mate in Hawaii, we settled down to a happy life in California. “Happily ever after” right? Well, on most days. But now there was a new concern—what happened to all of my single friends?Suddenly all my friends who were single were not spending the time with me that I would have liked. Soon, God brought more married couples for us to fellowship with. Somehow though, I still wasn’t complete. According to these new friends, we hadn’t arrived yet because we had to have the dream home and the children to go with it. My husband wasn’t ready to settle down with a home yet and we were seen as odd or out of place.
After being married for a while, God blessed us with children despite being told I was infertile. First a beautiful daughter, Gabriella and then three years later, a son, Daniel. At first, the work of taking care of a baby was overwhelming. Again, it seemed my old friends who didn’t have children stopped coming by. If I couldn’t talk to them at 10 PM at night about their relationship problems, I guess I wasn’t good enough to be friends with them by their standards. But again, God brought me some new beautiful friends to spend time with. These friends had children like me. I thought I had finally arrived until…..
These friends started getting to their third, fourth and fifth children and I still could not get pregnant after two. Is something wrong with me? Why the sadness of heart? I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband yet I thought I needed more. My friend on the other hand was content with one child but not content with her living situation. She thought she needed a much bigger house for her smaller family.Then, there’s the friend with the two children, dog and the picket fence, but now they can’t make their budget and she has to find a job. Another friend is married with two children but wished her husband acted differently.
Suddenly, I found God bringing single friends into my life again and they were able to minister to me more than any other. One friend said it best. “Yes, I want to get married, but I don’t want to make it an idol. My focus needs to be on God.” This got me thinking! I had the husband and two children yet still wanted more. I was not content. Was I making having children an idol just like my friend made having a house an idol or a single person could make getting married an idol? I had never felt so convicted.
Also, the grass is always greener on the other side. Recently, a friend said to me to that she was so sick of people looking down on her because she was single. I almost laughed when she said that because in my circle, stay-at-home moms are always complaining that they are sick of people looking down on them because they stay home and don’t work.
Then there was an article I read recently about a working mom who was envious of her stay at home, homeschooling mom neighbor to find out that her life wasn’t all it appeared to be from the outside. Then, there’s the homeschool mom who envies the woman who gets to dress up in fine clothes and actually have money to get their hair and nails done.
My Pastor tells a story of a man who wanted new shoes but was thankful for the shoes he had when he saw a man across the street with no feet! It seems our human nature is to be discontent. Maybe it’s all the commercials, billboards, and movies telling us that we are not complete unless we have a body like Barbie, brains like Hillary Clinton, new cars, the “dream” home, all those new computer toys and the list goes on.
It is funny to read my daughter’s storybooks that were written a long time ago and see how excited a child got to receive a doll as a present. In one book, the child uses corn on the cob in place of a real doll and she could only look at her sister’s doll with jealousy.
Where has our society gone? Is this spiritual dilemma unique to our society and time or has it always been so?The Bible has a lot to say about contentment which tells me it is something God knew we would struggle with:
1 Tim 6:8 “If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.”
1 Tim 6:6 says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”
Phil 4:11-13“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me”
Ps 23:1“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.”
Psalm 17:15,"As for me, I will behold Thy face in Righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy likeness"
"Be content with your wages" (Luke 3:14).
There are many more scriptures than this. The bottom line is that in this time of recession, the American “dream” may just be that—a dream for many. Or was it ever a reality to begin with? We have been much more blessed than others in third world countries. What have you thanked God for lately?
I can thank God for many things but the most important thing I am thankful for is having a personal and living relationship with Him daily—knowing that He is there in times of uncertainty and even when things don’t go the way I would like it to go. He is a God of peace.
Being a Jewish believer in Jesus, many Jewish people ask me, “If Jesus is the Messiah, why didn’t He bring peace?” The answer is easy. He did bring peace for those who want it. It’s peace that lies in the heart, knowing that no matter where you are, God is in charge. Peace and contentment go hand in hand. When we start looking at others and what they have, we will lose our peace quickly. Maybe that’s why one of God’s Ten Commandments is “thou shall not covet thy neighbor?”
May 2009 bring the peace and contentment you need for your given circumstances and may “God supply all your needs according to His riches.”
Note: After writing this article, I did get pregnant with our third blessing! God is good!
After meeting and marrying my soul mate in Hawaii, we settled down to a happy life in California. “Happily ever after” right? Well, on most days. But now there was a new concern—what happened to all of my single friends?Suddenly all my friends who were single were not spending the time with me that I would have liked. Soon, God brought more married couples for us to fellowship with. Somehow though, I still wasn’t complete. According to these new friends, we hadn’t arrived yet because we had to have the dream home and the children to go with it. My husband wasn’t ready to settle down with a home yet and we were seen as odd or out of place.
After being married for a while, God blessed us with children despite being told I was infertile. First a beautiful daughter, Gabriella and then three years later, a son, Daniel. At first, the work of taking care of a baby was overwhelming. Again, it seemed my old friends who didn’t have children stopped coming by. If I couldn’t talk to them at 10 PM at night about their relationship problems, I guess I wasn’t good enough to be friends with them by their standards. But again, God brought me some new beautiful friends to spend time with. These friends had children like me. I thought I had finally arrived until…..
These friends started getting to their third, fourth and fifth children and I still could not get pregnant after two. Is something wrong with me? Why the sadness of heart? I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband yet I thought I needed more. My friend on the other hand was content with one child but not content with her living situation. She thought she needed a much bigger house for her smaller family.Then, there’s the friend with the two children, dog and the picket fence, but now they can’t make their budget and she has to find a job. Another friend is married with two children but wished her husband acted differently.
Suddenly, I found God bringing single friends into my life again and they were able to minister to me more than any other. One friend said it best. “Yes, I want to get married, but I don’t want to make it an idol. My focus needs to be on God.” This got me thinking! I had the husband and two children yet still wanted more. I was not content. Was I making having children an idol just like my friend made having a house an idol or a single person could make getting married an idol? I had never felt so convicted.
Also, the grass is always greener on the other side. Recently, a friend said to me to that she was so sick of people looking down on her because she was single. I almost laughed when she said that because in my circle, stay-at-home moms are always complaining that they are sick of people looking down on them because they stay home and don’t work.
Then there was an article I read recently about a working mom who was envious of her stay at home, homeschooling mom neighbor to find out that her life wasn’t all it appeared to be from the outside. Then, there’s the homeschool mom who envies the woman who gets to dress up in fine clothes and actually have money to get their hair and nails done.
My Pastor tells a story of a man who wanted new shoes but was thankful for the shoes he had when he saw a man across the street with no feet! It seems our human nature is to be discontent. Maybe it’s all the commercials, billboards, and movies telling us that we are not complete unless we have a body like Barbie, brains like Hillary Clinton, new cars, the “dream” home, all those new computer toys and the list goes on.
It is funny to read my daughter’s storybooks that were written a long time ago and see how excited a child got to receive a doll as a present. In one book, the child uses corn on the cob in place of a real doll and she could only look at her sister’s doll with jealousy.
Where has our society gone? Is this spiritual dilemma unique to our society and time or has it always been so?The Bible has a lot to say about contentment which tells me it is something God knew we would struggle with:
1 Tim 6:8 “If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.”
1 Tim 6:6 says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”
Phil 4:11-13“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me”
Ps 23:1“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.”
Psalm 17:15,"As for me, I will behold Thy face in Righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy likeness"
"Be content with your wages" (Luke 3:14).
There are many more scriptures than this. The bottom line is that in this time of recession, the American “dream” may just be that—a dream for many. Or was it ever a reality to begin with? We have been much more blessed than others in third world countries. What have you thanked God for lately?
I can thank God for many things but the most important thing I am thankful for is having a personal and living relationship with Him daily—knowing that He is there in times of uncertainty and even when things don’t go the way I would like it to go. He is a God of peace.
Being a Jewish believer in Jesus, many Jewish people ask me, “If Jesus is the Messiah, why didn’t He bring peace?” The answer is easy. He did bring peace for those who want it. It’s peace that lies in the heart, knowing that no matter where you are, God is in charge. Peace and contentment go hand in hand. When we start looking at others and what they have, we will lose our peace quickly. Maybe that’s why one of God’s Ten Commandments is “thou shall not covet thy neighbor?”
May 2009 bring the peace and contentment you need for your given circumstances and may “God supply all your needs according to His riches.”
Note: After writing this article, I did get pregnant with our third blessing! God is good!
1 comment:
Hi Rhonda!
I used to go to CBY and asked to check out your blog and so I wanted to briefly respond. I too have my Masters in counseling etc but have been on the other side of the fence. In my years of being single, I have found that discontentment is a strategy of the enemy. Here are 3 biblical keys that are powerful when put into practice:
1. Fix you eyes and heart upon the Lord Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Worship and get into the presence of the Lord and be changed, delivered, redeemed!
2. Seek the kingdom of God first and everything will be added unto you. Whatever you are longing for be, if you want friends be a friend to some one else. If you have a need, meet someone else's need etc. Helping others also less fortunate gives us appreciation and Godly contentment.
3. Transform your mind by the washing of the word. Surrender and leave your desires, hopes at the altar again and again. Pray for your heart to be filled with God's love. Find pleasure in little things in your life, and you will start to smile inside and find God joy!
I will be starting my own blog soon and hope to connect with you again!
Shalom,
Alaina
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